yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
