Im at strip club and am horny
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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