I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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