You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
