We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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