Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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