I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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