the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize