I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
