I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
