There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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