If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize