i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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