Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I could make wine with my vomit
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
