Cold hands, warm shart.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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