Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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