Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
