Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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