Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
