did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
