Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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