Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
