i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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