There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are two peas in an std pod
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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