So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
