I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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