It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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