why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
