the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize