Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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