hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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