Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize