I wish my penis had an off switch
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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