It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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