I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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