my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
