the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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