I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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