Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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