Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They have beer where we have blood.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
