what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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