When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
