would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
