found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
