Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
