Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
