Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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