At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
