my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's better-looking with the mask on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
