In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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