Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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