Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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