I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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