remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
