Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
