just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
