if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
