just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
