Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
