Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
