Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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