Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
