I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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