I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
