90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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