Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
