No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
