you would pick up someone in the library
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wish there were birth control emojis
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
