Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
