ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
