he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
