ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
