thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
