dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
