apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
