Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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