i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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