I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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