Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think people are normalizing furries
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
