So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
