I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
