I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
