Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
