The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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