Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
