I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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