The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
