You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
