New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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