You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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