hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
