just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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