I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
