your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
