You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want a musical about memes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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