y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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