Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
