I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
