I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
