You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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