did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
