I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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