chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
